Hi, I don´t really know how to start. Yesterday I decided I had to leave tumblr, I wanted to give my blog away to one of my friends so I didn't have to say goodbye, but I feel like I owe you an explanation, so here it goes.
Lately, I've been feeling down, I wouldn't say depressed, but I have this mixed feelings that I can´t describe, I just don't feel comfortable being here, I'm not being myself. Tumblr used to be like my happy place where everything was possible, a place where I could forget about stress, school and just be myself, but it isn´t anymore cause now it's not fun.
Tumblr didn't make me happy and I'm starting to think it never did. I forgot about the main reason why I made my blog. I became thirsty as many of you may say and I forgot about enjoying it. Coming here and post stuff began to feel like a responsibility, something I had to do to please my followers, to keep gaining or not to lose them, I used to constantly worry about changing my theme, blogging 'quality' stuff, keeping my blog clean and giving a shit about all the hate I was receiving, hate I assume I don't deserve.
I've feeling this way for weeks now, I just never had the courage to actually leave, I still don't know if I want to do this but I feel that if I don't I´ll probably lose myself. I want my life back. I don't remember what I used to do before Tumblr, and that's sad, I don't feel productive to society and right now I just want to live life to the fullest, I don't want to regret wasting most of my teenage years in front of a screen, contemplating other people live their lifes while I'm just sitting there blogging about them, don´t get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad, but it's just not who I want to be.
This feels so right but at the same time it's really hard to just leave. I've made some friends through this journey some of you were here from the start others joined along the way, but it doesn't matter, what matters is that you were here for me and I want to thank each of you, who made my days here special. I want you to know that I love you each of you, you all have taught me things, made me smile and cheered me up at some point, I don't want to mention names so I don't feel bad about forgetting anyone, you know who you are, I promise I will never forget you, hope you don't forget me either.
I don´t know if I will ever come back, chances are I won´t, but I certainly will miss all of this.
Sorry if it was too long.
-Much love,Jackie. xx